dream may be just a dream

i truely yearn to be able to study abroad when i embarked on my current path degree studying. I needed the experience abroad tho it comes with the price to pay like the big sum of money that would be invested into all these youth-like-unrealistic-unredundant experience to some may think. However, when i hear or see or realise many of my friends are going over, that stirred quite abit of disappointment in me as i knew such chance would not come again when things become less simple and when life is covered with worries and stresses about jobs, money and children in your life later. Guess if you don't do it now, you'll never have the chance to revisit those youthful days again. That's the same old path everyone or most of them undertake in SG. things are so standard.

Mum says that safety abroad is a big point to consider but nevertheless, i find that sg isn't truely many times better as the number of crazy-brain-ded people are on the rise as well anyway. if sg is so safe, i guess the number of attempt pervertic guys that tried to molest/stalk me since young would have been down to the the number zero. nothing could make me forget every single traumatic experience so, afterall safety isn't about where you are. it's about luck and how brave you can make yourself to be in that situation.

...


i just want a time abroad not as a tourist, experiencing the freedom when my parents are still 'young', with my partner and have the peace, joy and abundance love with a simple mind and eventually when i return to have the routine life in sg, i could rmb and be nostalgic about the days which brought me thus far.

Descended

however hard i tried to get the lecture notes in, e words just seemed so swirl on the surface and barely sinked in. i avoided bringing the emotions that i tried to convince myself i was feeling but if such was possible, i would be so relieved.

i felt the saddest today cos' it was mum's bdae and i couldn't celeb for her, it was no excuse actually. But, i just wouldn't want my plan for the day to be changed cos' many many incidents earlier proved how much i put my excitement to vain, as i postponed all my appointments, dressed up, just to spend time with my family. i sticked to my principles of no last minute thing. And an irony i know. Seriously cos' i'm one such temperamental, last-minute-go-by-feel person.

Nevertheless, it bothers me throughout the days when she sent me the sms "forget it", followed by alot of ignoring moves. Disappointment undoubtedly.

Yes, it still bothers me alot alot right now? Everyone is displeased with me. My mum, my dad, my bro, my bf. Everyone.

i just couldn't be the perfect person everyone expected me to be. And as a plethora of unanswerables running through my head, i'm not sure if i want to pass her the gift i chose anymore.

the silent cries wrecks my heart so badly, so deep.

so long since..

i really stayed up so late at night (3am) to finish up my homework and then watch shows before heading to slp. tonight everything had been going well, all except my pre lab quiz which i screw up quite abit cos' i studied and memo the wrong concept. But it justs act like a spring and pushes me to study harder there after.

But the good thing was, the lab ends early and me, my boy and jh rushed all the way to get car and wished we could get the last order b4 the botak jones closes. They have deep affection for their massive burger, which is well..100 times better, bigger, burger-ious!

i'm happy tonight and my eagerness to blog has return. All over again.

hitting the bed now. Goodnight!
oh, and i hope i could convince myself and be physically fit to make the 1st step to return to exercising momentum. Make more movements and get the stomach to a planar or probably concave inwards even better!

Re-adjusting

been back from HK since Wed.

i've got prob re-adjusting to the real life back here in SG. feels as though part of my soul is still in HK. Sch resumed tmr and i cant help but dread the coming. tried to slp alot these days to avoid thinking much. Even cancel tuitions on and off just to slp my day away.

that 1 week of HK trip makes me greedy for more.
the momentum of life has slowed down for me. how do i get it back?

A song without words

Remember every mum told their kid that if they had nothing nice to say, they should just be quiet. i kept that in mind and slowly it began to seem like everyone wouldn't understand even if things were explained. Silence became the medication for a troubled mind and wiping became a helpless solace. Couldn't understand now why when i was a child, i wanted to grow up fast. Aging came with the cost of responsibility that one must uphold. De facto, right now, i wasn't as happy-go-lucky as i protrayed to be afterall.

On a side note, i passed my piano grade 8 after uncountable miserable long practice sessions as well as investing alot n i mean real loads of money in this to get this finally over. That piece of paper with that few marks written on it was in exchange of so much freedom time i once longed for. However, when i've gotten what i've longed for in that past 2 years; i'm very much laden with fatigue to continue on with 2 to 3 years of another preparation for diploma exam. Undeniably, i still love music and want to persist my love for music by continuing with lessons with my teacher and here comes the big BUT. i couldn't bear the cost of it and if i do, it means i've got to wk more and have lesser time to study. Sacrificing studies is not the way to balance the weighing scale right here.

And all these decision making cause me to lose my sleep.. it's like i've made up a decision but yet i kept changing still.

what's best Vs what's right.

如果能有更完美的 weekend!

i've been so pampered with great accompany for a long long time since i started school and it even got better when i accidentally befriend jiehua and then through him, got to know jianliang and ever since then, my trip to and fro school is nothing less than fun. Then again in sch, i've got so many friends-jake and gang and my dearest py and sharleen. The girls sat with me during lec and partner me in lab while for Jake and Roy who often help me greatly in those lab sessions, i think right now, i do misses their accompany.

if i didnt flung my SCIE2225 then i wouldn't have to take physio myself already. i went through my lab session alone ydae and the only thing that made me walk to class bravely was the thought that i could find him in Kembangan bball court later when lab ends. i walked so far searching for the right class and i even entered the wrong one and sat down. Awkward indeed. Oh well, though i made new friends but it doesn't feel as the same. Then today i'm gg for lecture alone cos my dearest bf is going to genting with his family. He won't be crashing the lecture like he has done so for the past few times.

i'm alone.

But i'll still brave through this. Cos i'm strong. I'm huishan. i await his return to share his exciting trip and i shall share with him my new experience in teaching this new kid this sunday.

The birds are singing, the bees are buzzing and it's a lovely Sat evening

the eye-straining bioinfomatics test just ended a few hours ago and jiehua drove me and mr jianliang back to eunos right to the doorstep of his house. it's such a luxury to be a passenger and not a driver; for i could play with his shades at the back seat and have the entire leg space to my self. I could even slp horizontally if i really would want.

Then next up was mr jianliang's turn to go home, get car key and off we head to botak jones in braddell again! woohoo~i'm the passenger once again. And i'm really in love with the food there as always. Oh yah, and their hoegarden cup is like really HUGE! i want to steal home so if i drink 1 cup of milo in it, it can sure last me several hours! imagine 2 of those transparent cup you drink in swenson or ehh, mac?

And very soon i'm going to head off to bed then study again. i'll physco myself to work hard cos Guess what?! we've booked the ticket to HK in sept and we're sitting in A380!! unbelievable!! Oh and sandra, if you happen to read this, let me know where is the street which the noah's ark is located okok?

ZzzzZZZ time!! whee! lovely sat!