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however hard i tried to get the lecture notes in, e words just seemed so swirl on the surface and barely sinked in. i avoided bringing the emotions that i tried to convince myself i was feeling but if such was possible, i would be so relieved.

i felt the saddest today cos' it was mum's bdae and i couldn't celeb for her, it was no excuse actually. But, i just wouldn't want my plan for the day to be changed cos' many many incidents earlier proved how much i put my excitement to vain, as i postponed all my appointments, dressed up, just to spend time with my family. i sticked to my principles of no last minute thing. And an irony i know. Seriously cos' i'm one such temperamental, last-minute-go-by-feel person.

Nevertheless, it bothers me throughout the days when she sent me the sms "forget it", followed by alot of ignoring moves. Disappointment undoubtedly.

Yes, it still bothers me alot alot right now? Everyone is displeased with me. My mum, my dad, my bro, my bf. Everyone.

i just couldn't be the perfect person everyone expected me to be. And as a plethora of unanswerables running through my head, i'm not sure if i want to pass her the gift i chose anymore.

the silent cries wrecks my heart so badly, so deep.