Wednesday,october 19, 2005

I've lost this race with myself.
COMPLETELY..

my promos results aren't good enough to get me be promoted..I hate to know that despite myself putting in so much effort, it still turn out to be like this. Wo bu gan xin..I really don't. This promos is not a steeping stone towards a better beginning of my J2 life but instead, it is a fullstop to my JC life forever..
I don't know how i'm going to face this. I don't. I've been trying hard to divert my attention to other things but it don't work. Fear..It's haunting me. I hate myself!!! Why am i so stupid that i cannot even conquer my promos with the bare minimum to be promote to next yr??!

ARGHHHH!!!

i'm isolating myself these few days. I don't reply to people sms, i don't answer people's call, i hardly interact with others. All i do is hide in bed, hoping to go into a deep sleep, waking up and know that everything is just a nightmare..*haiz*

after a big detour i still couldn't be in Tj..Why is things turning out to be like this? Why?!!


Depression that will never leave me..
Huishan