i'm hesitant about going to Australia now. i'm afraid.

my mum told me if i want to leave, the very first thing she wants to hear from me is that i'm not leaving half heartedly and i'm not in love. The amount she has to pay is hefty i know and also because of that, shld i really go and leave the finanial burden on my family? Ah! i need to sleep now to make myself not think and just hope after tomorrow, everything will be fine.

why did i start to love at the wrong time? i'm afraid. I'm lost.
i doubt i have the ability to let you go right now. sigh. what should i do?
my heart is all messed up. can't you get me out of this situation.......................