I'm supposed to be studying or doing my lab report right now, like what my friends are doing, but yeah, i'm blogging outside borders at the coffee bean.

The plan was to spend the whole night out studying at Roysten house which is so near town after this coffee session but i'm like having uber mood swing now? nono, more like emotional rupture? sigh. They say his house is like a little palace but i'm so moodless for anything.

:(((

why am i having such routine life that i'm so damn sick of?! where is my cert leading me to? Is this what i really want? why am i longing so much for another studying route? I'm leading a day as it goes and more uncertainies is falling on me each day and i'm really feeling breathless. I want no more of such stuffs. It's not about being afraid of challenges but it's like whenever i'm uncertain of things, it terrifies me and i'm feeling so strongly of wanting to back out. i don't like this angst feeling in all aspects of my life. like seriously ALL.

If my life is like a story book, i wouldn't mind the mysteries and all building up from the very start of the very first page of the book but i would wish the last chapter would be about how I’m thankful for the life i’ve walked through. So am i halfway through the story? can't i just peep a little at the ending to lessen the agony of waiting and guessing?

I'm uttering rubbish but yes, i'm rubbish. I just cannot see the end to my wait and all. Neither can i see where i'm heading to. nobody can tell me why am i just flowing with the majority of people pursueing what seems so important. Are they really so?

Ah well. never mind about me. I'll be alright tomorrow or tomorrow's tomorrow.
hopefully.



If the heart is always searching, can you ever find a home?
there is nothing more i can do. i'm tired. i going home to sleep now. will study tomorrow..
yeah. bye.