i didn't want to blog but i guess i've lost my cool.
i need an outlet.

my motivation comes and go. I think i'm the only one that always remind myself to contd striving and working hard.
So who exactly can tell me..

what's the CONSTANT motivation one gets in life?

i wish i could flee from the things i've got to do so i went to sleep.
But i slept fitfully.
It's kind of in you that you know that some things had to be done. Things like lab reports and the read-ups from all the online books, plus the miscellanous work that i know i have to do when i'm awake, stresses me. I'm not whining here cos i dislike what i'm studying nor doing. It's more like everyone has their own expectation of more important things. And i expect myself to be able to churn out satisfactory reports but i doubt that will take awhile. i cannot even plot a precise best fit graph using excel and i cannot this, i cannot that.. There seemed to be a blockage in my brain. There seemed to be something which bothers me.

Having done my school work half way and the need to go and teach tuitions, boy, i hate it. i dislike telling students they have to study when i cannot even study well. i know i cannot cancel, postpone and keep changing time for lessons. But wait, aren't human still a human? Can't they be led by emotions at times? Can't they just decide to escape from all these must-dos, have-to list of things for awhile?

At times, i just feel like bawling like a child. Aloud and not mindful about how others think..

So, what is really the thing that gives me the CONSTANT renewal of motivation in life?

If it's god. Then i think i need him less virtually.
At least like that, i could be more assured of the path i'm taking,
more affirmed that i'm not alone, all the while..